“I’m Not Religious, I’m Spiritual”

We hear this a lot these days- but what does it mean? This question was posed during this morning’s homily and it reminded me how often I hear people say this. Don’t get me wrong, being spiritual- as in seeking to be guided by The Spirit of God, is something we all need to be. But the disclaimer of not being “religious” raises a few questions:

  1. In being “spiritual”, how much time do you spend in prayer?
  2. In being “spiritual”, how often do you ask – what does God want me to do, rather than what do I want to do?
  3. In disregarding religion, by whose guidance are you living your life, and if it is your own, how is being “spiritual” different from “doing what I want to do”?

My observation is that people usually steer clear of organized religion, because they object to a higher authority. I think what most would say is that they are fine with God being the authority (in a vague and general sense), but that religion is “man made” and so why should they be subject to “arbitrary” and likely outdated rules?

This to me raises the question of what is religion? Religion is a codifying of the laws that God has given us. I have heard people say that if God wanted us to live a certain way, why wouldn’t he just tell us. The answer is, of course, that He has- in so many ways! He has given us his Word in the Bible. He has given us His Church in the One Holy and Apostolic Catholic Church. He has given us Saints to help guide us here on earth. He has given us the revelation of His Creation in which we can see the miracles of His Hand every single day. In some ways, we can ask how could we miss Him in all of these signs? It reminds me a bit of the Jim Carey movie “Bruce Almighty”, when Bruce is driving in his car, praying and asking God for a “sign”- and a truck filled with signs pulls in front of him at that moment- and all of the signs are saying some variant of “Wrong Way!” – but Bruce can’t see that this was a direct response to his prayer.

For all of you who are “spiritual but not religious” I would encourage you to consider that God has made you in His image and likeness, and He loves you very, very much. All of us who are believers are imperfect sinners- so the exhortation to come and join us in “religion” is not a message of “I am better than you”- rather it is an invitation that comes from a place of love saying, I have found a Healer, a Savior, a Love- and I know that He loves you especially and wants you to find rest in Him too. Our Church is Universal and made by God to be a place of rest for everyone- but He gets to make the rules, not us!

What Keeps Me from Daily Mass?

I was talking to an acquaintance at a Catholic business event recently, and he said to me, “once you understand that Jesus is actually there, present in the Eucharist, the question is no longer why you go to mass every day, the question is, why wouldn’t you go every day!”.

It struck me that this is the difference between knowing something with your head and knowing it with your heart. Catholics are taught, and many believe, in the Real Presence of Jesus – which we know to be true from scripture, tradition, and also scientific evidence– but do we know it in our hearts? I have to confess that even though I fully believe in my head, I have to ask why is it that I am not prioritizing daily mass. Is this what being lukewarm looks like?

It seems that being a follower of Jesus involves peeling back the layers of understanding. Just when I think I “get it”, there is something like this that shows me how much more there is to absorb. It seems to me that I (and we) should be nearly unable to pull ourselves away from mass, from the rosary, from Adoration- and not a week should go by without the incredible relief from reconciliation. And yet, there are weeks when the only time mass happens is Sunday. There are months where there is no confession. It really requires some serious self examination to wonder, why?

So today, my prayer for me- and for all of us in the fellowship of believers- that we fervently pray for our belief and our understanding to be deepened. I read that Mother Angelica, even when she was non-verbal near the end of her life, would fling her arms wide, with a look normally reserved for the love of one’s life (which in this case, Jesus certainly was) when she was brought the Eucharist. What a beautiful image. Mother Angelica, pray for us!

Finding Beatitudes in the Laundry Room

I read somewhere recently that it is the frustrations and aggravations of life that can be our vehicles to holiness- if we let them do their work in our lives and in our hearts. It is certainly easy to want the end game of saintliness, but reading through the lives of the saints, the road to get there is a tough one. We may not see our conflicts at home and work, the slights and the offenses, or just the big hurdles and pains that we have, as the things that could be our training ground- but as with most things in life, it is all in the perspective.

What if we did choose to look at the affronts as genuine opportunities- to forgive, or to acknowledge our shortcomings?

I generally pride myself (always dangerous!) on being pretty level headed and slow to anger. Recently I was not feeling well, and one of my beloved family members decided to clean a shelf in our (fairly disorganized) laundry room, by dumping the contents of one of the shelves into the laundry basket. In what I would like to think was an uncharacteristic response, I raised my voice and told them that this was unacceptable and was making more work for me (indignant, I was!).

Upon reflection I realized a few things- and in general how the Beatitudes can be a great touchstone for how to react in situations of family discord:

  1. This is not, in the scheme of things, something that warranted the degree of reaction that I gave it. No reason for calm heads not to prevail even if something someone does is annoying. Blessed are the peacemakers…
  2. I have known for some time that the state of this room and its lack of organization was at some point going to be an issue. While it is not my issue alone, there is nothing wrong with me taking the initiative and solving the problem. In truth, I do have more inclination towards organizing things than others in my home, so why not leverage that for everyone’s benefit?
  3. I was actually super annoyed because I had just done a few batches of laundry and the idea that the laundry basket was considered an appropriate receptacle was really a message to me that perhaps there was a view that laundry just magically gets cleaned and put away- in other words, I was feeling slightly under appreciated. Ego and pride- pure and simple. Blessed are the meek…
  4. Furthermore- my schedule is one of the fullest in the house, which just exacerbated this indignation (how can you not appreciate what I do here?!?). In reality I have chosen to have a jam packed schedule- no reason that the family should be on the hook for the fact that I have said “yes” to so many activities even if they are “good” – as in extra work or volunteering.

As I recounted in a previous post, my son had suggested on our way to confession a month or so ago, that I review the Beatitudes as a way of thinking about what to say in the confessional. Out of the mouths of babes. Certainly there is a real opportunity to let the “irritations” of life be like a grain of sand in an oyster- something that can be used for good, if we let them!

The Gift of the Daily Rosary

It’s been one year since I started the practice of saying the rosary daily. I began because October is the month of the Holy Rosary. I recall last October being particularly concerned about some of the issues in the Church, and feeling strongly that the most powerful prayer we have to combat evil is the rosary. So I began. Here is what I have concluded after this one year:

  1. Having experienced the power of saying the rosary every day, I will never give this up, as long as I am able. The comfort that comes from reflecting on the life of Jesus and His mother is powerful.
  2. No matter how busy I am, there is always 15 or 20 minutes that are available to pray the rosary. It can be said while commuting, while doing dishes, while showering, while lying in bed before sleep-although what I will say is that there is a danger of falling asleep if saying it in bed!
  3. I have found that this practice has gotten me to be much more aware that God has a plan for my life- and I don’t need to know what it is. When you imagine what it was like for the Blessed Virgin Mary to go through her life without sin, in trusting God with the considerable trials she had to face, it inspires a trust that whatever is happening in my life is part of His plan.
  4. Saying the rosary has inspired me to find other ways to strengthen my faith- reading more of the Bible, reading wonderful Catholic books (Scott Hahn and Robert Royal are two of my favorite authors), reading more Catholic online journals (such as The Catholic Thing), going to mass more often during the week, joining groups (such as Legatus)- and so on. All of this is rooted in the wonderful daily reminder of our faith, which is the rosary.

Before I became a Catholic, the rosary looked to me like a rote, cathartic chant. What I have found is that it is a daily opportunity to really ponder the mysteries of Christ- what a gift! I invite you this October to join in on the daily prayer of the rosary – I promise you will find it a tremendously valuable addition to your life!

Open the Blinds to the Light of Faith

In mass today, the priest quoted Thomas Aquinas’ famous saying:

“To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible.”

Although it is a mystery to me why some people are given the gift of faith and others are not, I do think this statement explains so much about why the gap exists between believers and non-believers.

Our priest elaborated to say that receiving faith isn’t a passive act, and likened it to bringing light into a dark room – to do so, you need to actively open the blinds to let the sun shine in. And so it is with faith- although God is the only one who can give us faith, we need to actively engage- and the window in which the light comes through is the act of praying. For all of us, it is that initial step of prayer, acknowledging God and asking for Him to make Himself known to us, that starts the life of faith.

I was blessed many years ago, in the early days of my faith journey, to be befriended by a wonderful Baptist pastor who himself had a remarkable journey of coming to the Lord. He told the story of being a troubled young man, long before becoming a pastor, who found himself one night waiting outside of a bar with a gun in his hand, waiting for someone who had offended him to emerge. As the night wore on, and the target of his anger was slow to exit the bar, he began to think about the fact that he may very well be about to kill someone- and that if he were to do that there would be real consequences to his life (like receiving the death penalty, for instance).

With the weight of this understanding on him, he felt compelled to drive home, and fell to his knees in his living room, asking God to enter his life. From that day forward his life was a journey of devoting himself to God- and of bringing many a lost person, such as myself at that time, along with him in a quest towards holiness and a hope of heaven.

Although we can’t force anyone else to be open to God, we can certainly share our own experiences of what God has done in our lives. If we are counted among those who “need no explanation”, as Aquinas described, hopefully there will be fewer who find “no explanation” of God to be possible.

It’s All Yours, God


“Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, and my entire will, All I have and call my own. You have given all to me. To you, Lord, I return it. Everything is yours; do with it what you will. Give me only your love and your grace, that is enough for me.” -A Prayer of St. Ignatius of Loyola

I read this prayer for the first time last week, and it has been on my mind ever since. “You have given all to me”. Really thinking about everything I call my own REALLY being something that God has given me as a gift, changes everything about how I perceive my rights and shapes my attitude when things don’t go exactly the way I want. “Everything is yours.” The people I love, the experiences- good and bad, the home, the food, the abilities- everything. I have known for some time that God loves the people I love more than I can- and that itself has altered my prayers and my perceptions. But knowing that God loves the people that I am not that crazy about probably has changed things even more.

“…that is enough for me”. That may be the part that gives me the greatest pause. Is the love and grace, the overwhelming and eternal love of God really enough for me- or do I look for other things to supplement? It seems clear to me on an intellectual level that the love of the omnipotent creator is more than enough – but that doesn’t stop me on a day to day basis to strive for other things. It seems a bit of a dichotomy because we are called to work, to be creative, and to engage with the world- which means that we do need to try to do things.

As I think about what St. Ignatius was saying, it isn’t that we are meant to be complacent and sit on our hands – God is gracious in allowing us to participate in what he intends for our lives. But it seems to me that the analogy is like a mother baking cookies with her child. The mother doesn’t need the child’s help to bake the cookies- and in fact she could do it faster and better alone. But the mother enjoys the interaction with the child, and in the process of preparing the cookies, the child learns – about work, about the satisfaction of creating, about how to make cookies and maybe most importantly about their mother’s love. And in the end when the child is enjoying the warm, delicious cookies, the right attitude is to recognize that the child was provided the opportunity to make and eat the cookies from their mom- she provided the ingredients, the time, the kitchen – everything. This is how I think we are meant to look at all of the experiences and gifts we receive from the Lord. He has given us everything – and the right response is thanks in all circumstances.

The Other Brother

One of the readings in Mass yesterday was the well known parable of the Prodigal Son. Much is said about the fall and redemption of the wayward son- which gives all of us sinners great comfort. Too often, it is the other son, that is overlooked in the discussion.

If you recall, the “good” brother stays at home and works with the father faithfully. He is angry and jealous when the “bad” brother comes home and his father welcomes him with open arms. The Prodigal son is given a robe, sandals and a calf is killed and cooked to celebrate his return. The other brother is upset because there has never been a party for him. The father tells him (and I am paraphrasing) “everything I have is yours, but we must rejoice because my son- your brother- who was lost is now found.”

How often are we like that brother who feels cheated because our good works are under appreciated by those around us? It is very common for parents attention and resources to go to “problem children” and the kids who aren’t causing any disruption sometimes feel like they are getting the short end of the stick. In our jobs, sometimes it seems like the steady and reliable workers get taken for granted while workers who are struggling and then turn it around get the accolades.

The part of the father’s message that needs to be underlined is the part that says “everything I have is yours”- there is the very deep appreciation and recognition by the father of the faithfulness of the “good” son. We sometimes hear stories, like of St Paul, who was so far away from God and then had a miraculous moment of conversion and became one of the greatest Apostles of them all. That doesn’t take anything away from Apostles like John who were there all along and were faithfully following Christ, even to being there with Him at the cross.

We also tend to forget that the Prodigal had a really bad run when he was away from home- of his own making- but still, his plight is nothing to envy. Our goal should be to be like the brother who never leaves the father, but we need to learn how to celebrate with those who return to the fold, rather than feeling jealous or upset that God would not hold their departure against them. In any case, we are all the prodigal son most of the time- and far more often than we should be. God’s generosity to us all has been so overwhelming and undeserved on our part, that the only right response is gratitude.

Joy and Suffering

I love thinking about what heaven is like. I am praying I actually find out first hand! Mother Angelica once said that she thinks Hellen Keller is really fortunate that the first face she will see, and the first voice she will hear are God’s. What an awesome thought- and it also speaks to the unique way Mother Angelica saw the world- appreciating the beauty and gift that pain and suffering affords. It is hard to keep this in mind when the pain begins, but remembering her words- to covet pain and to use it as a means of purification and sanctification- is such a comfort. What we know is that Jesus experienced more physical and mental pain and suffering than any of us will- so He understands, and we can draw closer to him in times of trial.

Most of us know that life is like a roller coaster- sometimes it is one trial after another, and then there is a season of peace and ease. I feel like it is important to really recognize the good times when they happen- even if it is just part of the day- because we know, just like tides rolling in, the bad will inevitably happen again. That is just life. Someone gets sick, or a loved one dies. Someone loses a job, or struggles with relationships. Life.

I had two really great things happen recently that made me super happy. One was that one of my family members came and asked if I wanted to go to confession with him. That alone made me really happy, but it was the conversation we had about it that left me in a glow. To set the scene, we had just gone to confession 5 days before, so my first reaction when he suggested it, was to have a conversation with him about scrupulousness, just to make sure. He listened patiently and then said that he understood- but that if Pope’s can go to confession weekly (or even more often) – that is an example we should follow. I agreed, and as we were walking to church, I said to him that I was really struggling with what to confess – because I hadn’t ever had only 5 days between confessions. He stopped in his tracks and looked at me and said. “seriously? are you so holy that in the last 5 days you haven’t sinned?”- so I was a bit embarrassed, but mostly because it reflected on my lack of self-awareness. He started walking me through the Beatitudes and the 10 Commandments to help spark my thought process. Suffice it to say that in the 7 minute walk to church, I came up with plenty! But what a joy to have someone in your life be such a strong encourager of faith!

The second thing that made me really happy was this past weekend. One of my relatives was cutting trees with other men in the family- a task involving chain saws and axes and a lot of work. At one point he wandered into the kitchen where I was working, and he said to me “I was pretty worried when that big tree was coming down- it seemed like there was some potential for danger – so I said 11 Hail Mary’s for protection.” He walked out of the kitchen and looked back at me with a smile and said, “I just wanted to flex”. It cracked me up that for him “flexing” isn’t about muscles or cars or clothes, but about his connection to our Holy Mother in Heaven- and knowing that I, someone so close to him, would be delighted that this is what he does when he worries! I pray that this is the type of flexing he continues embracing throughout his life, and continues to be bold in sharing it!

The challenges of life are always there, but the small joys are too. I could write volumes about the pain and losses but I want to focus on the positive- because God is good and gives us so much to be thankful for. I hope that I can get to the place where Mother Angelica was – where I look forward to the suffering. In the meantime, I will try to focus on the bits of happiness I find on my journey, and when I do have pain, develop the practice of offering it to God, for the suffering souls in purgatory, and as a prayer to be drawn closer to Him.

Be a Broom for God

I just started reading a book that I can’t put down- isn’t that such a great feeling? It is “Mother Angelica’s Little Book of Life Lessons and Everyday Spirituality”, by the amazing author, Raymond Arroyo. I seriously love this book! I have read other books by Mr. Arroyo about Mother Angelica – all of which are great- and I almost didn’t buy this book because I figured between the previous books and watching reruns upon reruns of Mother Angelica on EWTN, what was going to be new? All I can say is, that I can’t recommend it enough!

Here’s the thing- Mother Angelica was so able to really pinpoint the challenges that normal people have in growing in faith- and she is so practical in providing ways to overcome. Here are just a few topics that made a big impact on me:

  1. How to pray without ceasing. I don’t know about you, but I have always found this to be a really challenging thing that we are asked to do. What about all the other stuff I have to do – with work, family, etc? Mother Angelica is so smart about how she offers up every little act in the day to God. For example, need to wash the dishes? Ask God to cleanse your heart as you are cleaning the plate, or ask God to bless the people who will be eating off of it. Need to go to a boring business meeting? Remember that Jesus also met with his Apostles – and we can ask Him to come to work with us!
  2. Holiness vs Perfection. This is a big one for me, because I really do believe what Mother Angelica says- that we are “all called to be great saints- don’t miss the opportunity!”. But this can sound (to me at least) like we are supposed to be perfect, which I most certainly am not. So that can be frustrating and disappointing. She talks a lot about living in the Present Moment- and how in this moment we can conform ourselves to Jesus, and if we make a mistake and act in a way that we shouldn’t, we can be humbled by that, which is also growth in Jesus- so you can’t lose (as long as we are living in the Present Moment and trying to be like Jesus!).
  3. Why do bad things happen? She has a ton to say about it- too much for me to write about here- but one brief line she has is “Honey, if it’s happening, it’s God’s Will”. That may sound a bit flippant, particularly for those of us who have lost children, or seen parents die painfully, or are having real struggles. How could that be God’s Will? But I think the thing to remember is that Jesus suffered everything that we suffer and so much more. These trials we have are not necessarily ordained by God but are permitted by God for our growth in holiness. The bottom line is that this life is super, super short- and the eternal life we have after this one is the real game- this life is only the pre-game show. So even though we have lots of pain and suffering in this life (remember, Jesus said we would)- we need to really look to see what God has for us and how our trials and us picking up our crosses can bring us closer to him.
  4. What is God’s will for my life? This is something that I spend way too much time hand wringing over. Remember that Mother Angelica was a CEO as well as a nun so for those of us in the business world it is very cool that she actually really understands the challenges we face. But the one thing I loved that she said in this book is: “You must strive to have your will in such union with God’s that you want nothing else. You don’t care what happens. That’s real humility. Be like a broom in the corner. If the Master comes in, sweeps the floor a bit, puts it in the corner, lets it fall on the floor, puts it on the highest shelf, it should make no difference to you. Be a broom for God. Let Him brush you around, push you about. Do what He wants.” That is so contrary to the striving culture that I grew up with on Wall Street- but it is exactly right. A broom for God :):):)

There is so much richness in this book. For anyone who wants to grow in holiness, wants to think about answers to the big questions of life- this is such a wonderful book. Mother Angelica was such a gift to us- and also such a great example of someone who lived out her faith so boldly. She is a true hero, and Raymond Arroyo is a fabulous writer who brings her to us in this wonderful recording of her wisdom and wit.

Holy and Humble- the Goals of Life

I heard someone speaking the other day about pride. He was saying that all schisms in the church, at their root, come from pride. It is our sinful natures that cause us to want dominion over ourselves, and it is the authority of the church that causes people to leave.

Pride is an interesting thing, because we are told in our current post-Christian culture that we should be proud of ourselves, and that we are the ones who should determine what is right and wrong, good and bad- there is no higher authority. This is obviously wrong.

But how have these attitudes about pride seeped into our culture and even influenced modern church goers? In so many ways:

  1. The drum beat in parts of the US church that we often hear about women becoming priests- this is nothing more than a prideful few wanting to be acknowledged- in the way that they have chosen- to say that as women they are as good as men. Nevermind that God has already made it clear that women and men are equal- but have different roles. For some this isn’t good enough
  2. In the US church many have justified in their own minds the use of birth control and extra-marital sexual relations. The reason is simple – it is what I want. No matter that God and the church has made it clear that it is not ok- pride has caused people to harden their hearts and turn away. “If it feels good do it” has been the mantra of the world for so long- but it is the path of destruction.
  3. I worked with a man who left the Church and joined a Unitarian group. He said that the reason was that he couldn’t stand to say “Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof…”- Why, he asked, am I not worthy? Why, I wonder is it so hard for us to see that we are created, and therefore much more lowly than our creator? People bristle at the idea that anything-even God – could be more exalted than them.
  4. The “green” movement has certainly penetrated the church, and in some ways this is totally consistent with historical church teachings on the stewardship that people have been given over creation. However this incessant desire to fine-tune nature and weather is another means by which humans want to assert dominance- that there is no aspect of life that we can accept being beyond our control. The reality is that the climate has always changed and will always change. God is in control of it, we are not. Doesn’t mean we should be wasteful, or ruin the world we live in, but it does mean that we need to recognize that we don’t control it all.

An exorcist was interviewed about his experiences with ridding humans of demons. He said that the devil spoke to him and told him that he detested the Virgin Mary because she was a created being – like him- but yet she was so holy and so humble. These are the characteristics that we should also strive for- holy and humble are really the point of this life. To me the goal is to try to see with unclouded vision the areas where my pride is stopping me from seeing what God wants for my life. It is so easy to deceive myself and to imagine that what I want is what God wants, when in reality I need to set aside my wants and simply follow Him.